I was extremely mortified this morning when I awoke to discover my dearest husband, Dracula, coughing up all the blood he had consumed from me (and the kids) the night before. I offered to let him penetrate me with his massively ginormous tooth once again, as that always makes him feel better. When he said no, I was even more shocked and realized something must be terribly wrong. After he declined the same offer from my foster children (the 3 who still live at home), we took him to the doctor and were informed that he may have Swine Flu (H1N1). The doctor took a sample to the CDC for analysis, and the next day we were informed that he did test positive for Swine Flu and severe vampiric scleronosis. Although we were already semi-aware of the vampiric tendencies (that he displays every night in bed), we were still shocked to discover he had Swine Flu.
I am afraid he may spread this disease to me by penetrating me over and over with his massive tooth.
HELP
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