He's dead.
As his short curly...tail filled with blood and became long, slender and hard like wood, it began to split him in two. He squealed constantly (more than usual) and it thrust into his...abdomen. This soon caused a massive amount of a strangely colored fluid to shoot out of...anus.
As more and more fluid rushed out of his...anus, his face became pale and his squeals grew weaker. As each ejaculation of fluid occurred more rapidly, he soon lost consciousness...and died. I was quick to jump on top of him and feel his...muscular body. Rubbing it up and down to see if there were any other abnormalities or any signs of life. Apparently this is what happens when he enjoys eating my...bacon too much.
I called the CDC to ask them what the fuck was going on. They told me he suffered from meatitus, a condition that occurs when the subject chokes down too many thick, juicy meat-pieces.
Apparently we could have prevented this unfortunate occurrence had we taken the time to inspect his large...tooth. We would have noticed it was spouting white fluid without any stimulation, obviously out of the ordinary.
The funeral is scheduled for next week. I invited the in-laws, who I have never met.
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